Guarana and Me

Once in a while I like to drink those vitamin water bottles from the gas station. You know, the ones with the neon labels neatly wrapped around contoured plastic bottles, lined up in a perfect rainbow of freezer-case goodness; each color competing against the next for my attention and adoption, as if to say, "pick me, pick me"! Today yellow (Tropical Citrus) won over orange (some Mango nonsense) and some very unnatural looking cloudy-pink syrup.

I drank it at about 1:00 in the afternoon. I had a busy day about halfway taken care of, and it seemed to me that it was all smooth sailing from here on out. This morning I had completed a photo shoot of some construction products, met with a client, and then picked up the ill-fated jet-fuel on the way back to the studio.

I got back to my computer, did a couple website updates, checked my email, and made some phone calls. I was talking to a client when I noticed I was talking fast. Really fast. And wait, why is my right leg twitching? I looked up to see it was about 3:00. I awoke this morning at about 5:00 am, and the afternoon is normally the time of day when my eyelids start to feel a bit heavy, but today I was still going strong. I looked down at the plastic bottle of death next to my keyboard and saw, printed in trendy little letters running up the side of the empty bottle,
"ENERGY (B + GUARANA)".

It is now currently 11:00 pm, exactly 10 hours after drinking 20 ounces of this liquid-crack in a lemonade costume, and I'm still twitching like a frightened poodle.

I wish I knew yoga or something.

I know many of you are saying, "You shouldn't use those plastic bottles anyway, they don't break down for something like eight-bazillion years." I know, I know. I saw on Discovery Channel the other day that a company in Ouray, CO is using plastic bottles out of corn starch, so maybe we're not completely doomed just yet. I (all joking aside) am concerned about our environment. Earth Hour is in less than two days, and I've just destroyed my "green" image with this post. I try to justify it to my conscience by re-filling the bottle with water from the tap a few times, but I haven't really fooled anyone - this bottle will still be resting on the surface of the earth long after even the cockroaches have been wiped out. Maybe through my consumption of this uninvited stimulant, I've learned a lesson. As far as the contents of the bottle, I'm fairly sure you could convert any automobile to run on this ridiculous concoction without too much trouble at all.

Energy crisis solved.


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